||[May. 20th, 2002|11:11 am]
I've been really sick lately, and my mom has been in Allentown with her boyfriend, Craig. She told me I'll have to get better on my own, because we can't go to the doctor. My Dad switched jobs, so we don't have insurance yet. So, basically, I could be dying, and I'd have to get through it on my own, that's how everything is. I came home last night with Lindsay with me, and I was looking for my mom to tell her that I'm home, and I couldn't find her anywhere.. So I ventured into Ashlee's room, and there she was with Ashlee on her bed near the window... high. I was shocked, I just looked at her, then went back to my room and told Lindsay. Ashlee literally begged me not to tell anyone.. fuck that! I'll tell whoever the hell I want. I want to talk to Pablo, because I think he could help me. My mom is so stupid, she didnt think about it at all. What will her boyfriend say? What if her new job makes her take a drug test? We're moving in only 3 weeks, and we all know chronic stays in the system at least 1 month. I don't know what to do, or say for that matter.. I'm so disappointed, embarrased, angry, pissed, I dont know!..
Linds -- I'm sorry you had to see that..
People think it would be so cool if their parents would smoke with them, it's not cool, not at all. She's more or less telling Ashlee that it's ok to do it - and it's not! I've realized more than ever now that I dont need my mom. I pretty much raised my self, and I didnt turn out too bad, now Ive gotta think about my brother. My mom isnt gonna be there for him, so I am. If i have to, when Im 18, Ill get custody of him. I can just see my mom and craig becoming potheads - no good. I dont know what to do..